Midlife Crises

We have an older Toyota Corolla, for years it has been using oil. Recently, it started to lose power and is running on only three cylinders, despite my changing the plugs, air filter and stuff. It is losing compression on cylinder #4. I could rebuild the engine, and get a little more life out of it, but the value of the body is not worth the amount of work necessary. It was the time to get a new car.

On a side note, I am giving that car to my 14 year old son, and putting it on him to rebuild the motor with my help. If we can tear it apart and put it back together, and get it running again, I will mark it as a success for the things he learns. If it runs well, bonus. If not, will take it to the junk yard and go in on halves for a new used car.

So, I spend my Friday looking at these cars (most in the $1000 - $3000 range) and I come across this 2013 Dodge Avenger in really nice shape for $4000. It is a very good deal. Sure, it is a pseudo muscle car and not as practical as just about anything I drove since I got married, but it is a good car. I make a quick phone call to my wife who is homeschooling the younglings, and tell her I found the car and get her blessing. Reluctantly, she says yes. I go ahead and buy it.

For the next couple weeks, she is nitpicky about the car “It doesn’t pick up AM radio very well, It smells like cigarette smoke, it has a lot of power and therefore must get bad mileage”. Finally, I ask her what is bugging her about the car. “I wish you took me out to go car shopping with you, I felt like you just called and told me you were getting it. It seems like you are going through a midlife crisis and getting a toy instead of a car for our family”.

The “midlife crisis” thing bugs me a bit. Sure, I am in my mid 40’s, the classical age that people have one. However, a nicer more powerful car is something I always wanted. Ten years ago, with the housing crunch, I had problems finding stable work and we had more financial troubles, so naturally we would go for the less expensive, more practical option. I would put the family’s needs above my own because I had to. But now, things are a little different. I have a decent income and a stable job, we are paying off the student debt this month, we for once can afford to ease back on the throttle a bit and focus on our own pleasures.

Now that I am that age, I understand what the midlife crisis is. It is the point at which the big head starts to overrule the little head, and you put things into perspective. If I lived my entire life for the benefit of others, I am in fact losing my agency and giving it completely away. You only live once, and it would be a shame to not have any pleasure. I watched my dad do that, he worked hard his entire life, putting the benefit of others ahead of himself. While it is very admirable, it is also at the same time sad. 70 hour weeks, he put in on a dairy farm when we were growing up, then 60 hour weeks after us kids moved out trucking. Now he is old, with bad knees, and still my mom gets to hold the remote control. If you are not appreciated for the hard work you do, why bother?

To some guys (and women), the midlife crisis means a time to throw it all out, go ahead and have an affair, divorce or whatever. I don’t think so. You have spent several decades building up what you have, to throw it away and have a “redo” in your life means starting at square one again, Only this time, you are older, and lost your integrity. I do, however, say it is a time to take it a little easier, spend a little on yourself, take up a hobby and just enjoy life a little bit. You only live once, make yourself useful, but enjoy yourself at the same time.