How Not to Raise a Son – AKA Avoid These Mistakes if You Care About Your Kid!
Hello Gentlemen!
Many of you know me from my comments over the last 3 or so years on ROK, AKC, here, and perhaps a few other sites. As you probably already know, I’m no writer, but there are a few subjects I post on from time to time that have a special meaning for me. One such topic is raising a son. While I am not a father and have no experience in that realm, I believe I can draw upon some of my own experiences growing up, and what I have observed from others, in giving useful advice to men who have sons that may be having issues. Not all kids need to be trained explicitly by their fathers.
Many kids are just naturally able to fit in and find their place in the world. But some are not able to do this. If your son is one of the ones who are having issues, hopefully I will be able to give you some useful information. I’ll try to write a few of these and keep them short and simple. Let’s begin at the beginning. Never let your wife take the lead in raising a boy. This may seem like a no-brainer to some of you, but when you figure that most men are breaking their backs at their jobs and getting home late, who is your pre-school aged son spending most of his time with? Why his mother, of course. This is unavoidable, but what is avoidable is allowing a narcissistic, controlling, manipulative female to mold your son into the type of male she thinks he should be.
Hopefully most guys are not married to this type of female, but even a well intentioned mother can have a very negative influence on a young boy. It is the father’s job to ensure this does not happen. When you get home from work, make a point of talking to your toddler or pre-school son and ask him about his day. What he did, who his friends are, what games he likes best. Many mothers, even the “good” ones, will want to raise a boy to be “nice”, and “gentle”, and “non-aggressive”. While I am sure most guys don’t want a son who is a bully that goes around brutalizing the other kids, I am also sure you will not want a son who will be targeted as an easy victim for those bullies when he starts kindergarten.
Here are some pointers to ensure your wife is not exerting undo influence on your pre-school aged son:
Make sure that your wife knows at all times that you are the lead influence in your son’s life. And
you will raise him as you see fit. You like things like boxing, guns, hunting, etc.. and your wife is a pacifist? Well guess what? She’ll just have to deal with the fact that you will be doing these things with your son from a young age onward. Not saying you should take a toddler to the gun range, but make sure she is not trying to plant her ideas in his young brain.
Men are busy during the week at work, and on the weekends, need to relax, which is understandable. Playing golf on Saturday morning is fine, but when you get home, doing something fun with your young son. Something you will both enjoy and will also get him on the path to becoming a strong boy and eventually a strong man. Take him for walks in the woods and dig around for rocks. Or go fishing and let him hold the rod. Teach him how to climb small trees. Stuff like that. Also, even little guys get into fights. From a very young age, teach him how to throw punches straight from the shoulder. Hold out your hands for him and let him swing away, correcting him when he does it wrong.
Most of all, be very wary of your wife’s interactions with your son if you detect she is trying to bully him into being the type of boy she wants him to be. Does your son like getting dirty and playing in the dirt? Or does he avoid the dirt? And if he avoids it, is it because your wife is always screaming at him “Don’t go in the dirt!!!”? A domineering mother is likely the single worst influence on a young boy. Be involved with your son from the get go and ensure this never happens.
- Slim
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