Working With My Son

Back in the 1980’s when I was a teenager, I had plenty of chances to work with my dad. He was a dairy farmer, and we raised our own hay and grain. We raised the cows and steers from birth. The whole operation was on 540 acres of good ground and we utilized it all. There was cattle to maintain, the cows needed milked twice a day. The baby calves needed to be fed twice per day. We had equipment like milk pumps, grain grinders, combines, tractors, et cetera that constantly needed to be repaired and maintained. There was infrastructure like fences, driveways, culverts, ditches that needed to be maintained. On top of that, there was producing the hay and grain to feed the cattle. I dreaded spring break because that was plowing and seeding season. Because it was only a week long, I would spend 14 hours every day on a tractor, plowing, disking, seeding, or harrowing. Summer vacation was not much better. Such is the life of a full time farm.

Some of the work I really enjoyed, like walking ditches and flood irrigating. Other stuff, like working on equipment with my dad, I did not. When he was working on stuff, he was usually fairly hot tempered, and I remember holding a flashlight for him for hours in these contorted positions. It was not something I enjoyed. 

About a month after I graduated high school, a miracle happened. I remember it vividly. We came in for lunch, and we were getting ready to go out to swath some hay. My mom (who rarely cusses) shouts out, “Oh shit! The barns on fire!” The dairy barn with all its belongings was on burns to the ground. Two days later, with some encouragement from myself and my brother, they sold the cows and scaled back their operation. Eventually, my dad got into trucking and rented out the property. Within a month, they were constantly commenting how much of a blessing it was to get out of milking cows twice a day.

From that experience, I knew I didn’t want to work so much. For 12 years, my dad was there every day, including Christmas morning, milking cows. He averaged about 70 hours per week. I rebelled against the farming life and went into engineering. Now, my weeks are only 40 hours of sitting at a desk. Heck, I don’t even have to work Fridays now. 

One thing I do miss (somewhat) are the opportunities my dad had to instill knowledge and work ethic into my kids. I come home from the office, my wife has food prepared, and we just hang out and play on my days off. I find it tough to find productive things to do around the house. 

About two months ago, after a particularly bad blow up from our oldest boy when we asked the kids to help clean up the house. After the incident, my wife and I discussed the matter, and we came to the conclusion that we need to make chores a regular part of their lives for their own sakes. We created this program that if they help clean, productively, and without complaint for seven times, we will take them out for a treat. We have this goal sheet that we had been doing as part of our weekly family council, so I just write it there. Since we have been consistent in making them help clean up, I have noticed their attitudes have improved. So about once a week, we will take them swimming and maybe an ice cream cone. 

Last winter, our car started to crap out on us. It lost compression on cylinder #4 and was running on three cylinders. We parked it, and I bought a newer car to replace it. I did think we could just tow it to the wrecking yard, but it was snowy and I didn’t get around to it. Then one night, I thought to myself “Self, our oldest son needs to learn to work some, I could give him that car on the condition that he helps me rebuild the motor.” So, we have been doing that lately. I kind of feel bad, the mechanical knowledge that I just took for granted, he doesn’t have. He literally asked me yesterday as we were taking off all the hoses, wires, and other connections, “What does the transmission do?” 

Even though he hasn’t thoroughly enjoyed this, it has provided a means for us to bond. I tell him about what the different components do, and we do joke a bit. Even if we get the whole thing put back together, and we still tow it to the wrecking yard, after losing about $400 - $500 in parts, I think this project will be worth it. I would write more, but I am heading to town to rent a cherry picker.