Why You Can’t Create A Rite Of Passage Into Manhood
When
we think of the next generation of males it can often create concerns.
Too many are incels (involuntarily celibate), showing no interest in
attracting the opposite sex. Too many have no ambition, preferring to
spend their time playing video games. Too many are fat and weak, lacking
the energy and will to exercise their bodies.
One
of the solutions that has been proposed in the manosphere is to create
rites of passage. These rites would (hopefully) give males a sense of
pride and accomplishment. They would teach boys and young men that
manhood is hard and requires grit and resilience just like the rite of
passage does. The end game is for young men to have too much pride,
confidence, and will to be a man-child loser.
It doesn’t work that way.
The Art of Manliness has several articles on creating rites of passage. It’s
a nice sentiment but futile. Ryan Michler of The Order of Man hosted a
father-son retreat he hopes can act as a rite of passage. I fully
support this type of retreat, but a rite of passage it is not.
Rituals
ushering males into manhood are discussed in-depth in Manhood in the
Making by David Gilmore, one of the two greatest books on manhood ever
written. These rituals share several characteristics that make them
impossible to create.
Demonstrate Self-Sufficiency
The accomplishment of a rite of passage to manhood has the explicit purpose of demonstrating a male’s
ability to provide, protect, and procreate for his people. For most of
human history men used strength, skills, and courage to do these. Rites
of passage in our past, therefore, required a male to demonstrate
sufficient strength, skills, and courage. Once these were demonstrated
sufficiently society recognized that male’s ability to reliably provide
for a family and protect a family and he was thus allowed to marry and
procreate.
In
our modern culture strength, skills, and courage do not reliably
demonstrate an ability to provide, protect, and procreate. They help,
but they are not the correct measure anymore. We can demonstrate this
with two wildly different types of men.
The first is the MMA fighter. He will undoubtedly demonstrate strength, skills, and courage even if he isn’t
very good compared to his peers. But will he make enough money to
provide for a family? How about in ten years? What will he do if he gets
injured?
In contrast, a software engineer can provide very well for a family. In ten years he’ll
make even more money. Best of all, nothing stops him from doing MMA as a
hobby. He can still demonstrate strength, skills, and courage, but they
are not the measure of manhood to society anymore.
The
measures of modern men are different than in any other time in history.
So how do we capture those measures in ritual before they happen in
reality? If having a job that pays well is the measure for an ability to
provide for a family (which it is), how do we capture an ability to get
such a job in a ritual before the male actually gets the job?
Rites of Passage Take Years
One
of the more interesting and painful rites of passage into manhood (and
as a warrior, which in this case is synonymous) is that of the Mawe
people. This cultural group lives in the amazon rain forest and
maintains a relatively primitive way of life. In the book Manthropology,
which I highly recommend in my review of it, Peter McAllister describes
the rite. Males stick their hands into a glove full on angry bullet
ants. The sting of the bullet ant is notoriously painful.
One
of the common misconceptions about this Mawe rite of passage is that
males endure the pain of the bullet ant glove once to achieve
warrior/man status. It actually takes males years of putting their hands
in these gloves to achieve warrior/man status. It’s
not an event that flips a switch from boy to man. It’s a gradual climb
out of boyhood into manhood. The glove is the symbolic element of the
rite. Through all the years the boys are enduring the pain of the glove
they are also learning how to hunt and fight. That steady climb is the
rite of passage, not the final time they put their hands in the gloves.
All rites of passage are like this. In our modern culture we want things to be instant. We don’t like that some things take years to achieve. But they do. Manhood is one of them.
Societal Recognition
There
is another rite of passage for the East African Samburu people
described in Manhood in the Making. It takes years to complete as they
all do. One of the final stages of the rite involves a male standing
before his people as he is circumcised. If he shows pain or unease
during the circumcision it will represent a dishonor to him and his
ancestry. But when he does complete the circumcision everyone will know
that he did it.
Rites
of passage need to be recognized by society as a means of
distinguishing the boys from the men if they are to have any weight.
What does society acknowledge now that distinguishes the boys from the
men? If you have a home, family, a job that pays well you will likely be
considered a man. If you have had those things in the past you will
likely be considered a man (though your manhood can be lost with them).
But how do you create a rite that involves a male getting a good job,
buying a house, and producing some kids?
You can’t. There are no rites of passage you can create that will have any meaning.
You’ll
have to raise your sons to be men the hard way. It will involve
lessons, guidance, letting them make mistakes, helping them recover from
mistakes, and all other “life” stuff. You’ll have to show them what it
takes to get a good job and teach them how to find a good woman. You’ll
have to teach them the tactical virtues, the way of men, and
self-reliance. Once boys know how to do those things they’ll be American
men before you know it.
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