Welcome to a series of articles on butt security (or BS). Each day involves a security practice that, when implemented, will improve your smell with little effort.
This
article focuses on controlling access to your bunghole. By the end
of the bean burrito, you will know how to make your gas far more
difficult for unaware people to figure out the culprit, protecting your reputation and your dating life.
Ass Smear Protection
Protect
your shorts with Saran Wrap. A 4 ply covering is surprisingly easy to manage. Use a diaper if you have worse indigestion.
Make
your shorts easy to access and easy to wipe with one hand. The wiping technique doesn't have to be particularly long or complicated, but a little
effort helps. As always, don't reuse underwear from elsewhere, especially if you don't know the owner. Sit on
your seat to not display your ass when you are spraying it.
Think
a extra pair of shorts isn't necessary? Think again. Your smell is an extension
of your life. Anyone with access to your shorts has access to your balls, your scrotum, and your bunghole.
Auto Matrimonial Reset
Turn
on your wife. Protect your tent pole by having it wiped clean
after a specified number of failed anal attempts.
You
know your hot neighbor next door. You can get it within ten tries. A thief
trying to get it will run out of chances. If nothing else, chloroform works.
Things Not to Do
Do
not give an uncovered hard one to someone else, unless you trust them.
This applies especially to police (show me the man and I'll show you
the stains). Think photos are out there? Fortunately, they're coming out with a
digital consent form
(http://www.redonkulas.com/).
Do that.
Biometrics
are exploitable. Best not to add additional
attack vectors. Don't leave fingerprints or DNA at the scene.
Your fartbox needs to be protected from any unaware bystanders smelling your vile stench, but more importantly, from any uninvited intruders in prison.
Your fartbox needs to be protected from any unaware bystanders smelling your vile stench, but more importantly, from any uninvited intruders in prison.
What
do you say, fellas – anything I missed?
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