Chivalry for Her

We are all familiar with the notion of chivalry. A guy is supposed to open the door for her, stoop on a knee to propose for marriage, she goes first in line, He pays for food, she gets the umbrella, men are to serve and protect, she gets the lifeboat, et cetera.

Here is the dictionary's definition:

This notion has bothered me. Not the acts themselves, but how it has been so one-sided. Why does this code of conduct typically pertain only to him? It really seems like since the feminist movement, it has became very one sided. An agreed upon code of conduct needs to go both ways to have any validity, which is the reason why people say chivalry is dead. A one-sided contract is not a contract, it is an order. If a woman says she can expect chivalrous behavior from men, men by that very token can expect chivalrous behavior from women. This "honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women" needs reciprocity.

Since women seem to have forgotten how to behave honorable and politely toward men. Here are some things she can do to act chivalrous and encourage chivalrous behavior from the man in her life:

1) Say "please" and "thank you".

Acts of appreciation go a long way to bind the relation between people. There is this elderly neighbor lady who doesn't have much money and has a hard time getting around. Out of kindness, I took about two hours of my time and mowed her yard for her. For that, she shot me a text "thank you for mowing my yard". Not that I wasn't doing it for the favors, but at least do some act of appreciation. Bake up a pie or something, thank me in person.

That goes for dates as well. Back in my single days, I would ask a girl out, plan out the date, pay for the date. This is a lot of time and effort. Most were courteous, and say "thank you". I understand not all dates will end with love and marriage, but if you do not want it to go any farther, have the courtesy to pay for half of the date. Ending it without paying your fair share is cheap and it comes across as using him. If there is attraction, then he can (and will probably want to) pay. But show real appreciation for his effort.

2) Make food, make things pretty.

Chivalrous behavior for guys (going to work, major repairs, paying for dates) should be reciprocated with an equal amount of effort on her part. If he pays for a restaurant one time, she should make him some food. Learn to sew and keep his clothes mended, work to keep the house orderly. The eight hours he is at work should be met with eight hours of homemaking. Paint the fence, keep a nice garden, wash the clothes, teach the kids. Above all, have a good meal at the table when he gets home. You need to be adding value to the home, not frittering away your time watching soaps, hanging out with your friends, or playing tetris.

3) Once you are married, your body is not your own.

He invested heavily into you. He is working hard for you. You need to work to keep yourself attractive. Letting yourself go and become an unattractive ham beast is as much of a violation of the marriage contract as is if he decided to quit his engineering profession and go into making candles. Also, you need to keep your body available. No guy would get married if he thought the sex was not going to be there. To make him think it will be there, and then dry up is a breach of contract. Of course there are times when you will not feel like it, but there are days he doesn't want to go to work. Health issues may arise, for which he will have to forego, but put in that effort. It isn't like he is asking you to spend the day laying bricks or something (which you are asking him to do).

4) Don't dominate the conversation. This is rude in any circumstance. Men are naturally more reserved. If you invite company over, please, shut up and let the men talk. These circular conversations are irritating. Stop it. You are not entertaining when you can't keep your yap closed.

5) He has every right to expect a debt free, chaste woman, without tattoos.

We all have standards. Women want men who are tall, rich, and handsome. Men want women who are chaste, frugal, clean, and feminine (all of which are within her control).

Be chaste. Sleeping around is gross behavior. You are demonstrating you have low morals and that you cannot be trusted. If you have a tinder account, if you had one night stands, if you act like a whore, don't be surprised when you get treated like one.

The money your husband makes is sacred, treat it as such. Use it for necessities, not frivolous purchases. Discuss money matters with him, and follow his direction. If you go around spending more than your share of the frivolous spending money, he will resent you. This is one of the biggest sources of contention.

Be clean and feminine in your demeanor. Tattoos are gross, overly revealing clothes, foul language and the like all put out a disgusting vibe. It shows a lack of respect of people around you, and especially your future husband. He does not want a trashy woman. If you look and/or act like trash, don't be surprised when men treat you as such.

Conclusion

People are saying chivalry is dead. I agree, feminism killed off her end of the deal in the 1960's. What was a two way contract of etiquette limped along as a one-way obligation put on men since the mid '60s and died off around 2000. Now, men have woken up to the raw deal. If women want a seat in the life boat, if you want the guys to fight for you, if you want guys to support you, you need to go out of your way to make it worth his while. This list is not all inclusive, but it would be a good start.