He started off with this post:
I am the most idiotic, dumbest, man ever to be blessed with finding my true Twin Flame. I searched for the unicorn named Love since I was about 8; when I realized that people were basically giving lip service, and servitude to the ‘idea’ of a loving, supportive relationship with their chosen mate. Crystal found me, and saved me. She opened the door, and I was pulled into the most exquisite brown eyes, through a gateway that showed me what truly beautiful soul looked like. I the proceeded to be so afraid, I was not deserving of her. I was weak when she needed strength.
Then I replied;
Uh.......if you are dating a girl with that attitude, and you want to keep her, you need to stop the groveling. She will not respect you if you lick her boots, no one could. If she does not respect you, she will keep her options open and keep looking until she finds someone better. Grow a pear and have some respect for yourself. Treat her good, but don't allow yourself to be a pushover.
To which he responds;
You know, that’s pretty much what I realized. Look I’m gonna be honest here. I was raised in an environment that the women controlled my entire life until I was 26 years old. That means I didn’t argue I didn’t disagree I was pretty much a slave and a scapegoat. Then I found my Darkside, and it wasn’t very nice. However I have never been able to stand up to a woman. I just now, at the age of 39 had it hit me, exactly what I was doing. I could stand up I can stand up to the biggest baddest person without flinching, but I can’t stand my ground with a woman. So I need advice and I need it quick before she goes away forever. I understand now what I need to do I need to set boundaries I need to quit acting like a little bitch and I need to get my ass back in gear. I’ve already got it all started, I am doing more in these this last three weeks, and I’ve been able to accomplish in the year and a half we were together. I just don’t want her or our son to be gone.
Got to remember. men and women are not the same. What a guy wants is not what a woman wants. We would love to have a woman follow us around and cater to our needs at every whim. That is fine for us, because we do not think her status in life is very important, we want her to look good, be pleasant and honest. We want a women to be a helpful companion, not a competitor.
Women are different, they want to feel secure, that you can be trusted, that you are strong and resourceful. They want a man that has the strength to protect them and to count on in difficult times. By your comment, you are not demonstrating that.
First, Learn to pass status tests. They are little comments or situations women put on men to see what their value in life is. Things like she says "That is a strange shirt you are wearing", respond with "Hey stop checking out my body. My eyes are up here".....If you think you are of lower status, she will eventually think the same.
Second, Improve yourself physically. Exercise, dress better, shower daily, wear deodorant, get a haircut.
Third, get a life outside of her or your job. Get into a physical sport. I do a lot of mountain climbing and rock climbing. Make it something she would like to tag along at times, but it is something you want to do apart from her. Video games, drinking, other sedentary activities don't count.
Fourth, try not to orbit her. You are your own individual. If she wants to tag along, bonus. But if she wants to do her own thing, let her. Following her around like a puppy will not impress her. Becoming your own man and bringing her into your life will.My guess is she is cheating on him, trying to monkey branch already. Maybe not. Whatever the case, he needs to understand that at 39, he is near his peak market value while his wife (probably mid thirties) is running up against the wall and is doing a last ditch effort to see if there is something better out there.
And a woman's advice to him on that same thread: "You need to just be you"
