Maybe this is another 2 am incoherent rambling from a guy who just woke up from a dream but here goes:
My dream started off I was riding on this train coming from Portland, going up the Columbia. All by old high school buddies were there, and you guys too, or how I imagine you guys anyway. We were running around, raising hell and having a good time. One of my best friends is wheeling alongside the train in his '72 Bronco and we take turns wheeling around like some scene out of Road Warrior. That’s when I wake up.
That’s when reality sets in.
I live in a small town. Since we have been married, my wife and I have had to move several times so I can chase work. We get along great as husband and wife, and we have good kids, but the biggest thing is I miss is having good male friendships.
In church, there are some decent guys I know. One in particular is big into guns and hunting and is pretty cool to hang around. The thing is, that is for like five minutes after church on Sundays. After that, I have to round up kids and he has to do the same. Our families take priority so we part ways and do our own thing.
During the week, I have work, then I come home, my wife has dinner ready, or nearly ready and I get the kids to set the table. After dinner is chore time and we clean up. My wife insists that I don’t have to help, but what else am I going to do at this time? It would be weird to sit around when everyone else is busy around me. So, I help herd cats and get the kids to clean up the messes they made. Most nights, there is church activities or “family home evenings” (Google it if you want) repair jobs, or something else to take up the time. If there isn’t something going on, I will play with the kids, take a walk with the wife or something until bed time. Rinse, repeat ad infinitum.
I have church to socialize with people, but 90% of those activities revolve around helping some little old ladies with thing she can't do anymore, like her yard, or some dinner/entertainment that involves the whole family and I end up herding my kids around. It isn't what I'm looking for.
I work during the week. There are projects to work on which usually fill up Fridays. The family wants to go play, so that fills up Saturdays, then Sunday is...Sunday.
Years go by and I find all my friends are doing the same with their families. We have socially isolated ourselves. There have been a few times I tried to invite guys over for burgers or whatever but my wife will absolutely stress about anyone stopping by that isn't one of her closest friends and go on this mega cleaning mode and make the whole thing a very unpleasant experience. So naturally I don’t invite others over very much, and going out costs money. Even if I do come up with an idea, they have their own stuff going on and it is unlikely that we can make it happen. So many canceled plans.
Anyway, this is probably the biggest reason I waste time online with you guys, I enjoy the toilet humor and the “UR MOM” banter. I find it very difficult to get in real life.
I had this 4x4 pickup with wiring problems sitting in my driveway for months now. I had it for 8 years or so and I loved it, with all the issues. Had a guy tow it away this weekend though. Although it didn't run for over a year now, I miss it sitting there. It was this symbol of my youth and the carefree man side of me. Last year, when that pickup started to crap out, we bought another pickup. But because of budget, it was only a 2wd crappy pickup that I never have been happy with. I should have held out and got more of what I wanted. Maybe I will get something else, but wife has her eyes set on new siding for the house. This will be a battle coming once we build up enough savings.
What gets me is how we trade one thing for another. I traded my male friendships and a good part of my maleness (symbolized by the pickup story) for a wife and kids. I saw the same thing with my Dad, and now I’m seeing it in me. I understand we cannot have it all, but it would be nice to be able to jump on that side of the fence from time to time and see if the grass is really greener over there or if it is just a mirage and there really isn't anything there anymore. Most of the guys I look at that have remained single wind up being alcoholics and have a totally different set of issues, but that is a topic that would probably better written by someone else.
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