We all know what it is like to have our trust betrayed. Maybe we had promises broken, been used or cheated in some manner. It isn’t fun to realize that the person you put your trust in would do something like that to you.
But then, we know we have done or neglected to do certain things for them. Maybe we didn’t think they would find out or maybe we thought they wouldn’t care. Whatever the case, they feel hurt from our actions.
Integrity is a very admirable trait in a person and it takes years to develop, but only seconds to destroy. One egregious act can ruin an individual’s integrity for the remainder of their lives.
We talked about keeping the commandments in part 5. This is a huge part of it. There are also the promises we put on ourselves. Did we say that we were going to take her out at 7:00 and you got distracted by the movie that was on? Poor form. You just lowered your integrity.
It can go the other way too. Maybe you told your daughter that you won’t take her out for ice cream unless she cleans her room. She didn’t or only did a half-hearted effort. If you take her out, you demonstrated that you lack any spine.
Building integrity
Integrity is in the eye of the beholder. Since you two started dating, she has been evaluating your integrity. There may have been plans cancelled for reasons beyond your control, or things you forgot about. There are no easy ways to rebuild integrity once you lost It. Best thing you can do is work to do what you say and say what you do. Be true to yourself. If necessary set reminders for yourself so you don’t forget things.
Trust goes both ways. If you have an agreement or promise and you fail to follow through, you need to penalize yourself and make it up to them and compensate them with something of greater value.
For instance, your anniversary comes and goes and you spaced it out that day, you will need to make amends. Plan an event bigger than you normally would for the following weekend and make it happen. If she is hung up on the fact that you forgot, even if you are trying to make it up to her, she is the one in the wrong for being unforgiving or manipulative. Address this issue and call her out on it.
Holding your spouse accountable on their part is just as important. If they see you as a pushover and treat you unfairly, then you need to grow a spine and deal with it in a kind but firm manner. Failing to do so will diminish their respect towards you.
Pobody’s Nerfect
We all know the phrase “nobody’s perfect”. We all make mistakes routinely. If he/she messed up inadvertently, be forgiving. If it was you, try to do better next time. Maybe try to make it up to them. We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. Keep that in mind next time she forgets to buy broccoli at the store.
However, if you get caught up with someone who blatantly acts in ways that pose a danger to you or your children, you do need to protect yourself and your kids. Divorce should never be taken lightly however, it is a decision that affects your family for generations. The statistics of how divorce affects children and their children are appalling. Better to find out if someone is trustworthy early on, before you get into a committed relationship and/or involve kids and society.
For most situations, learn to forgive and help one another do better next time.
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