Toxic Masculinity

 

If you ask a feminist, and they would say that guys are sexist, misogynist, homophobic, brutish, rude, repress their emotions, violent, and many other things. These attributes are given this blanket term "toxic masculinity" which is now mainstream. 

As a man, I cannot deny that these negative traits exist in men. Most are very real and can have negative effects. However, we cannot allow feminists and other people just say "all men are like that" like men are defective women. With each of those traits men have, there are some very real positive aspects to each of those traits.

Sexism, Racism, and Homophobia

"Sexist" men are those who do not ascribe to the communist idea that men and women should all be these gender-less automatons without personal identity. The very same leftists who ascribe themselves in every little niche themselves as unique in their made up LBGTVQLMNOP definitions want men to not view themselves as unique creatures with unique rights, privileges and unique responsibilities. It is not a bad thing to acknowledge that there are different attributes to men and women.

From Britannica: "Sexism, prejudice or discrimination based on sex or gender, especially against women and girls. Although its origin is unclear, the term sexism emerged from the “second-wave” feminism of the 1960s through the ’80s and was most likely modeled on the civil rights movement’s term racism (prejudice or discrimination based on race). Sexism can be a belief that one sex is superior to or more valuable than another sex. It imposes limits on what men and boys can and should do and what women and girls can and should do. The concept of sexism was originally formulated to raise consciousness about the oppression of girls and women, although by the early 21st century it had sometimes been expanded to include the oppression of any sex, including men and boys, intersexual people, and transgender people."

Granted, there are a few men out there that are genuinely prejudiced, who act violent towards another class of people for little other reason. They are rare, and they belong in jail. But, just like I am not going to assume that a black man walking down the street is a thug, I am not going to assume that a middle class white man is a sexist, a racist, or a homophobe just because he has a sense of humor.

I have issue with this idea "especially against women and girls". Men are the ones with tougher physical standards, favored in schools, draft, etc. Britannica's definition sounds like another definition designed to set forth a narrative in society. The belief that "one sex is superior to or more valuable than another sex" comes from women competing with men on their playing field and failing miserably. In the game of football, engineering, combat, or anything else traditionally male dominated, men are superior. However, you look at the domestic roles, women are superior, which they will gladly announce. Sexism is not "Toxic masculinity", it is human nature, and with only a few outliers as anecdotes, sexist ideas are true. Same holds with "misogyny" or any of those other "you're a bigot" attitudes. All it is, is leftists using buzz words to shut people up.

Brutish, Rude and Violent

As men, we are stronger and better equipped to protect. If something goes bump in the night, we are the ones tasked with checking it out. Since monkey days, this has been the case. It is in our DNA.

 

As fighters, it is more in our nature to be willing to run over our enemy and not care about the consequences to them. Perhaps this may be a masculine trait, but is it toxic? In a traditional setting where the man of the house learns to properly control this violent nature of his, not at all. He becomes a strength to the family and a means of protection. We are more able to go out into the wild and take what we want or need and bring it home for our family. 

Where this becomes toxic is in broken homes, in settings where men are unable to properly use this urge in a positive manner. There is a story about  these endangered white rhinos that were found killed and no evidence of poachers. Through some investigation, they found that adolescent male elephants were killing them. It turns out, these juvenile elephants were moved to this park. The adults were nowhere, and they did not have a role model or adults to keep them in check as they were in their adolescence. To correct this, special arrangements were made to haul in some massive 10,000 pound adult males to keep these rogue teenagers in check. Same needs to happen in some neighborhoods, or at least, cease the destructive fatherless homes. Those violent young men are not suffering from too much masculinity, they are suffering from a lack of masculinity among their peers. Is it any wonder that the majority of prisoners come from fatherless homes?

When used properly however, a man's strength is there to protect and ensure a safe home. Many men have fought and died overseas and elsewhere to protect society. Many police and fire fighters have put themselves at risk to fulfill a duty that most of us do no. Many husbands and fathers have fought to protect their wives and children in many ways, or willingly put themselves at greater risk for their wives, children and community. Are they toxic? 

 

Repress their Emotions

As men, we are told to not cry, and we learn to be stoic in all our interactions with others. This can be psychologically damaging for men, and is evidenced by men's suicide rate 4x of women. As a matter of fact, we do need to express our emotions in a healthy manner. 

 

But, here is the issue, expressing emotion is not healthy around people who do not care for you. If a man cries like a bitch about a self centered reason, he will be laughed at, and made fun of, and rightly so. The only emotion a man can express among his competition is anger. 

 

My father was quite stoic. He could endure pain and hardship without showing his feelings or complaining. In one particular instance, his father, my grandfather was visiting from across the state. He wasn't feeling well, so my brother was getting ready to drive him back. That morning, his father slumped over and passed away on our couch. My father was all business in calling the police and shopping around different crematoriums to find the best price for the services. Never did I see him shed a tear in the whole episode. I actually found it quite odd. On the other hand, my mom was bawling her head off non stop for hours. It was as though my dad was afraid to show any emotion whatsoever.

 

Personally, I feel like there is a happy medium. Showing emotion is a good way to communicate. But, it has to be done the right way, and about the right things. Don't cry for personal issues, if something sucks for you, suck it up, or at the least, let it turn to anger instead of whining like a baby. Go on a walk or meet with true friends that you really trust if you have to vent like that. There are instances like tragedies for close ones, or genuine acts of compassion that warrant a few tears shed. No more than a few times in your adult life though. 

 

However, with feelings of joy, camaraderie, or anything positive, feel free to express those emotions. There is nothing wrong with a no-homo bear hug with someone you haven't seen in years (but only one hug). People enjoy a goofy personality. Sure, don't overdo it and become the clown of your group, but have a laugh, show excitement, and be fun. 

Again, I think much of this is a result of a lack of proper role models. Women cannot show a young man how to express emotion in a healthy way, and many dads out there are denigrated to the point of either being overly stoic, or whiny little bitches. Left to only women and limiting their interactions to only texting, boys are taught to suppress all emotion, or to be these flamboyant sausage enthusiasts themselves. Don't go there. Don't be a robot, but try not to rack up homo suspicion points either.

Be a Man, Not an Ape

In the end, there is nothing wrong with masculinity. The problem is, feminism and media has warped the idea of what it means to be a woman so much that they have warped what it means to be a man. It is maintaining this balance and focusing your masculine qualities into the positive aspects of life. You do not need to suppress your masculinity, you need to focus it in the right direction.

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

Conclusion

I just watched a good video on "Toxic Masculinity" and I agree that there are aspects of masculinity that can be negative if we do not focus them right. But, we as men will benefit by learning how to do it right. That means we as a society should encourage masculinity and venues where masculine exercises are allowed to foster. That way we can  learn from the examples of others, and know how to channel the positive aspects of masculinity. That way, babes can dig guys with masculine skills.