all the images I could find for leadership were dumb so I'm leaving that blank
Our corner of the internet has a lot to say about a man's leadership in his home.
Ongoing leadership during the day-to-day operation of a family is critical for family health and success. This article does not not talk about that.
In a well-ordered home the average day is a structured process. Everyone has a set of known functions that have by daily use been proven to mesh well and bring everyone successfully through the day. Each day has its needs and rewards. Weekdays are different from weekends, weeks and months vary relative to each other. Some days are stressful and some events are unexpected but even then most of life conforms to a practiced routine.
Every once in a long while this is not the case.
A few years ago we had a grass fire down the road from our house. You are all familiar with the marvelous California fires that make the news each summer. We were in the thick of fire season when upon investigating a burning smell I discovered a plume of smoke arising from no more than half-a-mile down our country lane.
I returned to the house, opened up the front door, and calmly shouted "fire!"
The cat, panicked by my shouting, caught her fat midsection in the baby gate at the top of the stairs and latched herself to my wife's foot. This set the tone for the next few hours.
I thought we were ready for quick evacuations but I was wrong. We ransacked the house for needed items, prioritized by need, and overloaded the truck we had set idling in the driveway with the baby buckled in. It took too long and we made some bad choices. Fortunately CalFire bombed the fire with that orange stuff and it all came to nothing.
Above and beyond our evacuation unreadiness I learned that I did not have good leadership at time of crisis. Sure, I did not lose my cool. I kept a level head and got right down to the business of getting out. It didn't matter.
It didn't matter because I did not have a handle on what my family was doing. Some people froze up or kept revisiting decisions I had already made when they should have just gone on to the next step.
I learned that I had leadership over my family but only in a day-to-day capacity. I did not have leadership at a level where it counted in a crisis. I had put in enough work to get the daily stuff done. I had not put in the work needed to ensure my family functioned well at the %1 of the %1 of times that determine whether everything else will even exist.
Being right or saying the right things or being firm when it is needed does not work if you have not laid the groundwork in the years building up to it. The time to build trust is before the trust is needed. The time to establish authority is before the authority is relied upon. What works at the day-to-day level is only part of what is needed when crisis calls.
This realization was an embarrassing one. I am grateful it turned out to be a dry run that exposed my weaknesses without punishing my family. I have put in more work since then but there is more to be done. Even then the only proof of success is when crisis calls again.
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