Strengthening the Family Part 24 - The Father’s Role as Provider

 

As men we take on the responsibility of providing when we get married and with each new baby we make. It is not a role to be taken lightly. Your wife may be capable of supporting herself if she is single, but not if she is shouldered with the responsibility of housework, nurturing the children and the supportive role. She cannot be an effective wife and mother if she works a full time job.

For this reason, you as the husband and father need to get your life in order before you consider to take on a family. Get the education or training you need to support your future family. Develop a strong, honest work ethic so you will advance in your field. Constantly seek ways to improve in your profession. Learn skills and network with your colleagues to develop status as you work. 

College is an option, I took that route myself and went four five years to receive a Bachelors degree in civil engineering. If you go, make sure it is to distinguish yourself as a professional, and not for a worthless degree that shows you only partied for four years while going into debt. 

There are trades you can go in. Welding, plumbing, electrical repair, et cetera are all valued skills. In which there are a series of certifications you must achieve as you progress in your career. Always be looking to improve your skills and learn more as you go. Some very good friends of mine went this route and are making better money than I. 

Within your marriage, be sure that the money you make is not just frittered away needlessly. Don’t go into debt for consumables. A family will be happier in a modest home that has the father working and not stressing about finances than in a large home with both parents working and stressing about bills. 

When you are dating, looking for a wife, pay attention to her spending habits. If she has multiple pairs of shoes, a credit card, and a “high maintenance lifestyle” move on. She will be a financial headache and unwilling to support you as the provider. Look for women who wear minimal makeup, ignore the fashion trends, and are happy with cheap sunglasses and dates. They will be happy with your limited income should you take her on. 

Once you start making money, see that you put aside some savings. A big part of providing the financial security is knowing you will be ok if you lose your job or have a car break down. 

If you are working 60+ hours, you are at the point where difficult changes may be necessary. Sure, you may be providing for your family, but at what cost? At this point, you will be resentful of your wife for staying home with the kids while you are working, or she may resent you for always being away. Maybe you need to sell that boat, downscale your home, farm out your kids to pick strawberries, or get more education/skills. At last resort, your wife can work, but only after careful consideration.  

You need to talk with you boss and see if other arrangements can be made. If not, look for other work. No job is worth losing your family over. If necessary, find ways to make additional money from home, but do not have your wife work full time, it will lead to a stressful home and neglected kids. 

Conclusion

Have balance. Don't be a slug and expect your wife to neglect her duties and work so you can work a passive job, but at the same time don't work so much that you are neglecting your own duties within the home. His balance is more easily achieved if you develop skills that few other men have, and be frugal in your spending habits.