We all have heard the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" phrase from one simp or another, justifying their subservient behavior towards their own wives. Men in the manosphere abhor this phrase. Often I hear "you cannot make someone happy, forget it it’s a fool’s errand”. We get this because of mainstream media telling men that they need to serve and cater to women to make them happy. Buying her flowers regularly will not make a woman happy, texting her on the hour with little hearts and cutesy faces will not make her happy. Actually quite the opposite. Women cannot be happy with a man they don't respect, and one of the quickest ways to kill respect is by kissing up to them 24/7. Don't do that, you cannot respect someone who kisses your arse, nobody can. The issue is not with the phrase "Happy wife, happy life" itself, but the message of HOW that happiness is achieved has been corrupted with modern propaganda.
Although not specifically saying it, my dad definitely fell into this category. He is a good hard working man, he would put in 60-70 hour weeks on the dairy when I was growing up. My mom would put in 20-30 hours and do about half the household chores. What got me is even though he put in 70% of the work or so, my mom was rarely happy. And now that they are approaching 80, she still gets to hold the remote control, even though he took over the household chores now that she has a bad back.
Today, I hear this is a common problem among men and their wives. An unequal division of labor, coupled with an unbalanced power structure where the woman is dictating how things are done, but tasking the responsibility of those decisions up to the husband.
Like most men, I have been guilty of letting my wife get away with this at times. For instance, when we first moved to the house we currently live, there was no fence across the front. We had a toddler who liked to run out there into the street and there was a neighbor who was quick to call the cops. Instead of just doubling down watching the kid for a few months until the kid learns, my wife insists on building a fence across the front. I relent and take several weeks deciding on the style, calculating materials needed, ordering materials, paying for materials, digging post holes, and building the fence. In the end, it was a decent project but I do feel like we could have allocated our resources better.
While I let her have her way on this one instance, I think the trick is to not make it a habit. If it gets to the point that she knows she can get her way every time by stamping her feet or crabbing about something, you have lost it. This is the point where she loses her respect for you. Ironically, her losing respect for you in your quest to make her happy will in fact make her unhappy. Not only that, but her lack of respect for you will also increase, along with her selfish, crabby, and complaining attitude. This is where most men get the “happy wife, happy wife” phrase wrong. She cannot be happy with someone she does not respect and no one and respect someone who kisses their butt all day.
The remedy? You make the decision on when you follow her. Do not be afraid to stand up to her unreasonable demands. She should not be your dictator, but neither should you be her dictator. If you take the leadership role of the home effectively, you have final say in what happens but you also consider her viewpoint before making the decision. In my fence example, it was not what I wanted, but it was a reasonable request and there were positive results from the costs involved.
If you find you are living your life for your wife, that she expects you to serve her with little in return, stand up for yourself. Unless she is completely psycho, she will relent and develop some respect for you in the future, which in turn will bring happiness to her, and to you eventually.
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