For those of you who don't know me, I'm 47, been happily married for 18 years to my 42 year old wife, have six kids, I'm a civil engineer and my wife is a stay at home mom, busy with homeschooling and taking care of the kids.
The reason I am writing this is I watched a you tube video from Strong Successful Male on May 3, 22 entitled "Man's Wife Went From Zero Interest in "Lovin" To Unable to Keep Her Hands Off Him...But At A Cost". In the video, A guy describes a lackluster sex life, then proceeds to cheat on her with numerous women (number probably exaggerated) and his wife responded by being more interested in sex. Personally, I agree with SSM that it is immoral and instead of cheating, he should have divorced before playing the field.
What interested me about this video was the comments. The number of men complaining about the dead bedroom, and how their sex lives died off after they got married concerned me. I for one, did not have a sex life before marriage. For religious reasons, my wife and I remained celibate until our wedding night. From then on, our sex lives have continued to improve through the years. I'm sure that will probably die off in the coming decades as Viagra issues and/or menopause arrive, but for now, things are great. We have sex typically 5 times per week, sometimes twice a day or more, other times a few days will go by if we have the flu or something.
I first came across Red Pill content around 2013. One particular writer, thefamilyalpha has been a particular inspiration to me. About at that time, my wife and I got along decent enough, but sex was more of a chore for her and we would do it only about once per week. One particular night as she was preparing to haul the kids to her parents for the week, we just started discussing about sex in an open and candid way. Until then, because of her religious background, she viewed sex as something dirty and sinful. When she got back from her parents 5 days later, I decided try to be a little more "alpha" and I asked her point blank to shave herself and show me after we put the kids to bed. That ended up being one of the most memorable sexual memories of my life.
Shortly thereafter, my wife bought this book pertaining to our situation "And they were not ashamed" by Laura Brotherson. I was great for our situation with my wife having problems with letting go and feeling comfortable with sex. We read that together out loud for about a year, just covering as little as a paragraph per night. It really helped, not only in the material in the book, but by providing a venue for my wife and I to discuss those matters in an open, non confrontational way, we improved our communication with each other and have learned to be more open about potentially embarrassing matters.
Some Things I Have Learned
1) Be the man of the house.
Respect is crucial for her attraction to you and if you are following her around, kissing her feet, she cannot respect you. Nobody can. This means you need to learn how to stand up to her in a firm but non-combative way when she is testing you. Often humor goes a long way to deflect nagging or controlling behavior from her. Help out if her requests are fair, but recognize when she is trying to take advantage of you and put an end to it.
Also, be a man. No whining, take care of your stuff, and lead the family. You make the important decisions and delegate tasks effectively. Your wife is second, and then oldest to youngest typically. The buck stops with you.
2) Be spontaneous
Women love drama. They love to follow along behind your lead. Women love to be swept off their feet and surprised. For this reason, you cannot maintain a routine and expect your marriage to be fresh and vibrant. Whether it is coming home every day from work to do dishes, or scheduling starfish sex in the bed every Sunday afternoon, or sitting on the couch every Monday Night to watch football, you are killing her attraction for you. Mix it up and keep her on her toes.
The other night, I grab my wife and I take her for a drive to "look at the stars", leaving the kids at home. While not terribly expensive, we had a great time spread out on a blanket in the forest. Even if sex isn't on the table or the car hood for one reason or another, grab one of your kids and take them out for ice cream. Who knows, you may even have fun doing unexpected things.
3) Improve yourself
We all know the common RP theme, go to the gym, improve yourself mentally, overcome bad habits, etc. It is drummed in so much because it is true. Improving yourself in one way (physically, mentally, or spiritually) will help you improve yourself in the other ways also. Doing so will give you drive and focus in areas that are seemingly unrelated. If you start going to the gym regularly, not only will you be in better shape, but you will find it easier to quit smoking or be more patient with your wife and kids.
If after a two hour workout, you flop down on the couch and don't bother taking a shower, you are missing something. Proper grooming is very important, especially before bedtime. If anything, take a quick 3 minute shower before sex. No woman wants to stick her finger in your crevasses during sex and pull out a fudge cookie.
Get yourself a nice suit, clean yourself up, and take her out on occasion. It is not sissy or girly to look and smell nice. You take her out, looking like a million bucks, other women will notice and your wife will cling onto you and love it. Please, never go out wearing sweats or a stained shirt. Have some respect for yourself. Certainly, you have grubby work clothes, but clean up when you are not working.
Style over fashion. You do not need the latest trend, but you should know if a shirt is too tight or baggy for your build. There are a number of
articles out there from how to tie a tie, to proper hats to wear so you don't look like a dork.
5) Learn to flirt
Proper flirting is not only needed for a healthy sex life, it can be quite fun too. Women take much longer to warm up to sex than guys do. Consequently, you need to get her thinking about it early on, well before bed time. Flirting is a great way to get her in the mood. Flirting can be blatant or subtle.
Subtle flirting can be little hints or gestures you give her when the kids are around that they will not pick up on, or at least the teenagers that do pick up on it will vomit in their mouths inconspicuously.
If the kids happen to be gone you can be more blatant. Depending on her mood, you may go as far as bending her over the kitchen counter right as she is doing dishes. Learn what she likes and how far to push it. Hint: it is typically much further than you think, even if she slaps your hand away.
6) Improve your bedroom skills.
When we first married, my wife was quite a prude. We kissed, we had missionary, but that was about it. 18 years later, we have a pretty good assortment of stuff, and we typically need a shower and mouthwash after sex. That's enough detail.
The main thing, keep pushing for new things, get her a new outfit on occasion, experiment with new positions. Sex should be a fun experience that the two of you learn and grow.
Along with "be spontaneous", have variety in the sheets. One may be quickly bending her over in the shower, another time may be slow, sensual massage session that lasts a couple hours. Other times, you may feel like getting the ropes and weed eater out with various
attachments. Keep her guessing on what comes next.
7) Don't take life or her seriously.
Women can be argumentative, they can be crabby, but they are also fun if you don't take them seriously. Enjoy life and take her along for the ride. Modern women are taught that they are supposed to be these boss beaches who are in charge. Sorry, but your life is yours, not hers. No woman has the right or the ability for that matter to dictate what you do. She is along for the ride if she wants to be, or she can walk. Ironically, if you let her be in charge, she will take things too seriously and never be happy. But, if you are the man who takes the handlebars of the bike of life and let her hang onto you, she will only hang on tighter and won't let go.
Comments
Post a Comment