Story Time
One of my fond memories from my childhood was working with my dad, and him teaching me to weld. I think we were repairing some broken forks on the swather (grass mowing machine for those in NYC). Either way, he took out a rod, and positioned it like he would if he were welding, discussed amperage and metal thickness. He demonstrated to me how to weld, then he gave me the helmet and rod, and says "OK, now it is your turn". I proceeded to make bird turds all over the place, but eventually I got an arc going and he talked with me as I was welding and coached with me what to do.
There are things we want to teach our children beyond them just learning by osmosis from your example. Welding is one thing. As much as I enjoy holding a searing hot piece of metal in just the right position, or holding the flashlight for hours as my dad is cursing up a storm at a vacuum powered milk pump and the cows are growing restless, I could not learn exactly what he was doing without some instruction.
Now that I am a father, I am realizing how difficult it is to teach children things that they need to know, but are not really interested in. They may be there while you are talking, but they tune you out or become argumentative about every thing. To this, I don't know if there are any easy answers. They can try your patience, but as time goes on and your son/daughter goes from being a toddler to a young adult, you will develop the intelligence and patience necessary to make it interesting enough for them to learn.
Every Child is Different
My oldest son (18), for instance is very bull headed and argumentative. He wants to be the center of attention and will play devil's advocate most of the time. However, he is extremely smart, the type that won't do his homework but will ace the exams. He took calculus 1 as a junior, and is taking calculus 2 this year. I have helped him on his homework, and is taxing my math skills. He is the type that will go far in life, but will get punched in the face a few times while doing so. He is interested in the book smart stuff, but he does not like the physical application. It is like pulling teeth to het him to help with and home improvement projects. My older daughter (16) is quiet and enjoys the one on one time. Teaching her is easy. The only issue is she is interested in the homemaking stuff that I have zero interest in. Sorry, I can't draw a horse or sew a dress and other than complimenting her on those things, I have nothing of value to add. My younger daughter (14) is a little tougher. She is more of a typical teenager with the headphones and worried about what her peers think. I worry a little about her as she gets into her dating years, she is turning into a very good looking young lady and is already getting lots of attention. but she has a decent head on her shoulders. Next comes my 12 year old son. He is the one that I worry about the most. He is very stubborn when you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. We have tried spanking, we have tried bargaining, we have tried many different things. Short of abuse, he is just stubborn. Our 10 year old son will go far. He is very smart and competitive. He loves building things. As much as it annoys me when he scatters tools out in the shed, he is inquisitive and wants to learn how to build. It is a real treat to work with him, and I think he will be fun in a couple years. I would love to do a project car with him. Last, is my 6 year old son. He is a goof ball. He is learning to read now, and likes to follow me around while I am working on things, although it can be distracting, I like that he takes interest in what I do at home. He is my little buddy.
With all my kids, I can say that what may work for one may not work with another. Some enjoy the book learning, others like the demonstrations, still others may like the one on one time, or go out on their own to experiment. Whatever it is, learn how they learn the best, see how you can provide them the attention they need, in the way that they need to build a relationship and teach them while doing so.
Lectures Rarely Work
I suppose having grown up in the public school format, we have become used to the lecture format. In the home setting, standing up in front of a chalkboard and diagraming out the risks and pitfalls of dating in the modern era with all the "Slot A and peg D" nomenclature will not only bore them, they will run, rebel or resent you. I have found that it is better to look for the one-on-one moments and try to focus the subject onto whatever you want to say. This is not homeschooling and there is less of an obligation for them to listen to you, so you should not be as formal when you teach them.
What I have found is kids are naturally inquisitive if you develop a friendship with them. Talk with them about things that interest you, and they may develop interest in those things as well. Be excited with the sciences and the world around you. Tell them about the work day (minus the shitposting). If they lose interest, don't force the subject, just move on.
Disciplining Children
Disciplining children can be one of the toughest challenges in parenting. Child rearing is so individualistic, and what may work with one may have a negative effect on another. What may be harsh on one child, may be too lenient on another. As we have gained experience in parenting, I have noticed we have used spanking less and less. Some say parents get soft in their older years, but I don't think that is it. Spanking will get immediate results, but it too creates an underlying resentment toward the parent and the behavior may become worse over time. "If you are ever called upon to chasten a person, never chasten beyond the balm you have within you to bind up" - Brigham Young.
When discipling children, see that you are motivated more by love, rather than justice or revenge. You are not a robot, and neither are they. Sure, they borrowed your drill and left it out in the lawn, and that may have ruined it if you hadn't caught it in time, but you have to ask yourself, what is more important, your drill or your son?
Some punishment ideas:
- Removal of privileges (computer time, dinner, time with friends, etc.)
- Chores (clean dishes for a week, mow ward, etc.)
- Financial (remove allowance to pay for repairs)
- Scolding
- Standing in corner to cool down
- Forced to apologize to offended party
- Minor corporal punishment (open hand to the butt)
The principal reason for discipline is to teach obedience. If parents fail to teach obedience in the home, society will take that job and get it done. It is better done in the home with parents who love them, rather than a cold and cruel justice system.
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