That first woman, "Where do I find a good man?" is asking the wrong question. She should be asking "How do I find a good man?". It may be a subtle difference, but it means a lot. Aside from "stay off dating apps and out of hookup clubs", where is immaterial for women. She is good looking, and can garner attention from men wherever she goes. Her problem is her. She needs to get off of social media. She needs to teleport herself back in time 15 years and tell her high school kid counterpart to avoid the carousel and to date only with intention (meaning look for a future spouse and if she finds he is not marriage material, stop wasting time with him).
Ok so I want to ask men something. I feel like I have to share something that would explain MANY women in my age group. Theres a huge problem but where is the solution?? I am 28 years old and due to life events, I was never in a relationship or slept with anyone before. I really did have heavy trauma through my childhood that I am not getting into, but it hindered me in alot of ways, especially socially. Its also weird to try and explain to a guy I just met why I was never in a relationship before because I dont want to get personal on day 1 but they throw it up as a “red flag” maybe? I realized by 26 that a woman grinding out in the work-field is just not right. I realized how stressful life was for me and how gender roles balance life much better. I realized I wanted to be a house wife. I could have never ever realized or even thought about that in my early to mid 20s because I was going through ALOT with my family and life. I was busy with school and needed experience under my belt. I was not mentally or emotionally ready for relationships or any commitment. It took some years and a whole lot of turmoil to finally calm down and want to just chill and be happy. I didnt know what would make me happy until around 26. I finally matured and understood to stop fighting my inner core, my natural instincts and wants. I was now ready for a relationship and all that comes with it. I saw men for who they were and knew their role and wanted a good one in my life. But now that I am ready, I realize something else. Men want younger women who aren’t going to be ready just like I wasnt at their age. They want young early to mid 20s women. I know now to let myself naturally flow and embrace my femininity.I have let alot of my “unbreakable walls” come down, even though they were initially up as self protective measures before. I know even though I went through so much that made me build walls, I am still warm and nurturing and would be happy when doing so to the RIGHT person. I understand how to be patient and am comfortable with sacrifice. I am okay with very little because materials were never my thing, I want love. I understand so much now but men want this in younger women who are still fighting and exploring. I guess what I am trying to say is that at my age, I am allowing myself to be what I naturally am and have finally learned from life and understand alot more and I dont see that in younger women because they are immature. I just want a quiet,Peaceful and loving life but same can be said about men chasing after the wrong crowd. I never meet serious guys, they all act highly sexual and seem to only want 1 night stands from the get-go. Literally I have been everywhere and tried everything since 26 to find a good humble man who wants a serious relationship and wife. I even gave guys I found highly unattractive a chance just because I told myself that I may be missing out. Now lets not kid ourselves, attraction IS important for a healthy relationship no matter what you guys say. I never passed on average guys or went for the top % like men say here. Thats not true. However, after talking to some, I really knew that many CAN become attractive through their personalities. However, Even those guys acted terrible and only were interested in sleeping with me right away, no buildup in emotions or interest in a relationship. There is 1 guy in particular that I tried so hard with. I literally would cook for him and go to his workplace and feed him. If he liked something, I tried to make it. I acted like a wife before any commitment because I felt alot for him. He seemed uninterested all along and would just stalk other women on social media and call girls in front of me that showed no interest in him. He just wanted to sleep around so I stopped it all. I never slept with him and realized because I didnt lose myself to him, he didnt care. I dont want to give it up to any man unless he shows genuine interest. The same can be said for men acting this way. I literally went through all this time believing its men who have no interest in having a wife or marriage and just want to sleep around. So question is, I have tried dating apps, meeting people outside, at events, festivals, social media, past friends, walks from parks you name it but no serious men to be found. What should women in my shoes even do? Like where are these men? Where to find them??!
@Mace M 28 is getting close to the expiration date. I hear your story about drama in your past and you being a virgin because of it. I am curious, are you a virgin for moral reasons, or is it just because of discomfort being around men? By the way it sounds, you were/are uncomfortable being around men. That may be what is going on. They want to take you out and they get an awkward vibe from you. Overcoming awkwardness should be something we do in our middle/high school years, not at 28. What I would do if I were you is go to church. Find a church that has a fairly big social network. There, being a virgin will not be highly unusual and guys there will not see it as a red flag. They will be more used to waiting to get into a committed relationship before sex. Force yourself to be social. Attend social events, learn to flirt and mingle with people. Even if you don't meet Prince Charming there, you will slowly become more comfortable around people and become more attractive. Also, how attractive are you? At 28, you should still have it, but we all can improve. Cook healthy meals, go on regular walks, and get a gym membership. Most of us should lose weight. Go slow and make changes to your life that you can sustain forever. Those weight loss quick schemes will only make you gain it back and then some within two years. Lots of women try to do it the lazy way and wear makeup or over-revealing clothes. That garners sexual attention, not relationship attention. Light makeup, well fitting dresses (not tight) and skirts. No pants or other masculine clothes. Try to obtain a slim, athletic build. Main thing though is to have a cheerful personality. Be trustworthy and kind. It is a much more difficult sell to have a guy commit his life to you than to have one night stands. Show that you are frugal with money, and show respect and appreciation when he offers to take you out. Lots of guys are being used financially and become jaded from women. Good luck.
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