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| After a wild house party, you just might find your future wife under the couch. |
Knowing where to look is very important. Women are everywhere, but their behavior will be different in different settings. The popular meet markets may be good for some, but bad for others. Although my dating experience is limited to just me, and that was mostly in the 1990's, I have had many conversations with men and women who have described today's landscape. Although guys have had favorable experience from all places and one guy's experience may differ from another's depending on circumstance, I will order these from what I think is worst to best.
Dating Apps
I have very limited experience with dating apps. There was a time back in the '90s that I did frequent geographic specific chatrooms in a Kip Dynamite fashion. Through that, I managed to get three dates in about a years time of casual computering. But since I was in a rural community, all of these dates included a 100+ mile road trip to meet someone that I barely knew.
One particular date, I chatted her up, thought she was funny. We exchanged pictures and agreed to meet for a "dinner and a movie" date. I drive about 125 miles to an arranged cafe. I see her, and she is 5 years older and 30 pounds heavier than her photo. I play it off and be polite. We have hamburgers and a soda for lunch. She is nice enough, so we continue the date. We go see one of the prequel Star Wars in an afternoon matinée. Afterwards, we go walking in a park. She was pleasant enough. I drop her off at her place. For all intents and purposes, it was a reasonable date, but I didn't think she was attractive enough for me to pursue after her. When I get back home, she messages me and asks if I could come up again. As a broke college guy, I didn't really want to. We exchanged pleasantries, but my interest in her was gone. That was 22 years ago.
Today, I hear that the dating apps have created a nightmare scenario of users. Not knowing who they are, men and women can bring out terrible behavior with little social consequence. Women will use men for free food, pretending that there is some romantic interest to con men out of resources. Attractive men on the other hand, will use the apps and fake romantic interest to con women for cheap sex. Fake photos, fake portfolios and fake personalities are difficult to catch until there is some investment. I would not recommend dating apps.
The Workplace
I don't have any experience with this. But I have heard of lots of horror stories from dipping your pen in the company ink. 99% of relationships fail, and if you have to be around them, you may have issues with HR once you break up or find out that she is married. The only advantage is you would already have a familiarity with her before the relationship starts.
Bars, lounges, and clubs
Bars lounges and clubs are not the best place to find your future wife. They are designed to make money, which means they enforce a culture where men are expected to buy drinks for women and women will go there to mooch off men. The women who frequent those places are typically not very high caliber. Although a little better than dating apps, they are hookup sites where women hold the power, and men compete with their wallets. The best bars, IMO are the cheap dives where working men go to hang out after work to avoid the wife. Conversations are better, there is no competition for the haggard 50 year old toothless bar fly in the corner and you don't have to look your best to go. Although it may be a good place to find a one night stand, never go to a bar to find a wife.
Out and About
Many guys can find good women just in their daily routine. They may be out shopping, walking in the park, or whatever. Many call this "day game". Just keep an eye out wherever you go. My first girlfriend came from a street contact. It was the 4th of July and I was walking around the town festival aimlessly as a 15 year old, looking at the different booths. This girl looks at me and says, "you look kind of lost". I can't remember what I said, but we started talking. Her friend says to me, "you should ask her out". I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders and she nodded and smiled. Because no words were said, her friend repeats and we both chuckle. That afternoon, I see her walking towards her house (about 1 mile out of town), and so I run up to walk her home. Her mom gives us lemonade, and I eventually walk a mile across the fields to my house. For the several months, we both walk towards each other's houses and meet where our parents' property adjoin.
Street contacting can work. The rejection rate is fairly high, but probably better than dating apps or bars. Most women who frequent dating apps and bars get pleasure out of rejecting men or using men. However, you are typically bothering women that don't want to be bothered. You do not know them, but the investment is low. Asking is not that difficult. Keep your eyes open, be friendly in public and look for subtle flirting. If you see it, act quickly.
Churches, Classes and Civic Clubs
I met my wife and had lots of other good dating experiences in church. I suppose there are lots of different churches with different traditions and standards. Overall, though, If you are picking a girl from church, chances are that you are picking a women that has a better set of morals than the average girl out there. You still cannot assume that she is a perfect little angel. While you may not have to sift through as many women to find a good woman, you cannot neglect this process. One word of caution, if she is 25 and older and just recently started going back to church, this is probably insincere. At that stage in her life, she is probably looking to settle down with a "good man" and have him take care of her now that her party phase is over. Don't be that good man.
If you go to church regularly, you will be able to build friendships and become acquainted with people. There is more investment when you ask a woman out, and awkwardness may ensue. To alleviate this, ask her on double dates or group dates with others for the first couple times, then pair off. If she says no right away, there is little awkwardness and things can quickly return to normal. Do NOT demonstrate that you have a crush on her before you ask her out. Simping destroys her respect for you and kills your chances of getting a real date. If she says no, but wants to be your close friend, don't. She will see this as an opportunity to friendzone you. You may say OK, but ignore her afterwards. Again, the more emotional you become by crushing on her, the worse it will be for you, and the less your chances will be with her.
Similarly, there are college classes and other clubs. All of these have a regular meeting and you become familiar with people in a non-sexual setting. You learn who are friendly, and get a sense of their ethics and values before you ever need to contribute to a date. Although the same can be said for the workplace, the HR problem with messing around at work makes it not worth it.
Friends and Family
Although more rare, finding dates through well meaning friends and family is an excellent choice. There is some accountability with the mutual friends which holds both you and her to higher standards. Maybe if you are out 4 wheeling with your brother, joke to him that you haven't been laid since 1992 and see if he knows of anyone. If your friends are well meaning, they may help you.
One thing you may do is network through friends of the opposite sex. I got lots of dates in college through friends of friends. One trap I have seen is guys who end up isolating themselves from other guys just to hang out with or in reality, follow the girls. The girls allow this because they see those guys as weak or harmless. He has become that "gay friend" that may or may not be gay. He is a friendzoned weakling. Rather spend 90% of your free time with the guys and incorporate women into your plans on occasion. Have fun and include the women regularly, but do guy things and don't follow them.
Get with a male friend of yours and come up with double dates, and challenge each other to ask girls out. It is a fun competition to see who can come up with the most attractive date in the two weeks before you take those women out to a barbecue in the park and frisbee. It is how I found my wife, and my good friend from church found his wife from those double-dates we used to do.
Conclusion
There are women everywhere, but the circumstances may not always be the best. A certain woman will treat you differently with different circumstances. Be socially active, be attractive, and be aware of situations. Be busy with improving yourself, whether college, gyms, hobbies, church or charity organizations. Look around and ask around. Your chances will improve with familiarity of the girls you ask. There are no potential girlfriends to look at when you are playing Space Invaders.
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