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| Asking may be stressful, but it's the only way |
Before you take a girl on a date, you need her consent. Tricking her into thinking it is "just hanging out" while you have bigger intentions will only get you friend-zoned or worse. Leaving an open "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" comes across as weak. When you ask a girl out, you need to do it properly to increase your chances.
Before you ask, have a plan and look decent
Before you ask her out, you should have a plan of action. It may be a school dance, a round of mini golf, anything that is semi-public so she feels safe. Asking her to come up alone to see your cabin up in the woods is probably not a good idea. Double dates are great. When I was in my dating years, I had a good friend where we planned double dates and then asked girls out. It worked like a charm. They were open, friendly, and the women felt like they were helping you out by going along with you. Also, have a back up time and plan. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons that she would be unable to attend at that particular time/place. If she turns down the second option, it probably was never meant to be.
Before you ask them out, make sure you are reasonably attractive. I don't mean you put on your best button up shirt and smear on the cologne, just make sure you are decently kempt and don't have food dribbled down your shirt. Look good, but don't come off as a try-hard.
Ask Early
Women can sense if you are crushing on them but are too shy/weak to ask them out. Don't do this. You are not gaining any points by behaving this way. As you are following her around like this, she is losing respect for you. There never is a perfect time, but unless she is dealing with an emergency, just do it. Don't waste your own time.
Throughout my dating years from elementary school until I got married, I never had success from asking out a girl I was clearly crushing on. If you find yourself thinking about a certain girl, ask her or put her in one of the discard piles I mentioned in part 1. All the women that I did have success with had romantic interest within a few hours of meeting them, or at least noticing them. They are the women that I asked to pursue before I developed strong feelings for.
Be Clear About Your Intentions
Don't leave her with mixed messages or plausible deniability when you ask her out. A "Do you want to grab a bite with me for lunch?", although will probably get you the opportunity to buy her lunch will leave her the option of friend-zoning you if she is not into you. Don't hang out with her friends and call it a date. It is too ambiguous and she will see you as weak.
When I was a missionary, they drilled into our heads the commitment pattern. It is 1) build a relationship of trust, 2) teach a principle, 3) ask a direct "Will you" question and 4) Follow up. While not directly comparable, I do think there are some principles we can glean from it.
Build a relationship of trust. First, you need to show that you are attractive. You may be acquainted with them already so it is already done. Many guys will overdo this step, or actually, shy away from asking until it is too late. Learn to flirt and come off interesting.
Teach a principle. Maybe not teach a principle, but put into her head the fun she could be having with you on a date.
Ask a direct question. Be simple and direct. Have a place and time Say it is a "date" and get a direct answer from her. Don't let her leave ambiguity. A "no" is far better than her wasting your time and money by saying it was just as friends, or her standing you up.
Follow up. It sucks to stand around at the meeting place only to find out she stood you up. After she tells you yes, get her phone number and send her a text a few hours before the date. If she doesn't reply, she probably didn't want to go.
For the Women
It is tough for a man to ask a woman out. The man is showing vulnerability and opening himself up to rejection. Sure, you may not be attracted to the guy who asks you out, but don't use this as an opportunity to get an ego boost by laughing at him or shooting him down. Be simple, direct, and don't be ambiguous. "Sorry, I'm not interested" is sufficient. If he pressures you, you can be more curt with him, but don't be mean. Many women complain that guys aren't asking them out anymore, this is a big reason why.
Story Time
This may not be much of a story, but there was this dorky guy back in college that I knew from church. He wanted to ask this girl out, but he was a little shy. From that double dating experience, I decided I would help him. A few miles away, there is a mini-golf place. I call up the place to see what hours it is open. Then, I have this female friend that knew some women and was good at giving recommendations for who to call. I call up her number (back before cell phones) and her roommate answers.
"Hello, is Bonnie there?"
"Sorry, she's out, can I take a message? This is Robyn"
"Well, I needed help getting a double date for Wes and I...... Actually, maybe you could help me. Wes wanted to do a double date to this mini-golf this weekend. Are you available Friday evening?"
"I think so."
"Can I take you out on a double date?"
"Sure"
"Great, I'll pick you up at your place at 5:45 on Friday and the four of us will head out to the mini-golf"
Right after that, I tease and coax Wes into calling up Charlene. He finally does it, and she agrees, although I think she was a little reluctant about it.
Friday afternoon, I call her up to see if she is still good to go.
Friday evening, I pick her up, first time I seen her, or at least put a face to the name. We go over to pick up Wes and Charlene and we all go to the mini-golf. She is fun enough, but I find out she is decidedly average looking. Plus, I was scheduled to leave on my mission within a month so I didn't want to start any relationship. This would have been a "dating for experience" type date for me. Wes struck out too, she didn't want to go out with him again. Still, it was a decent evening, better than staying home and playing video games.
A few years ago, my wife and I ran into Robyn in Salt Lake City. She remembered my name (although I forgot hers) and jogged my memory with the mini-golf date.
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