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| Unless you are a millionaire, if your first date looks anything like this, you are doing it wrong |
If you are dating to look for a wife, the purpose of a date is to spend some time with a woman that you find interesting in order to evaluate whether she is worth pursuing a relationship or not. They are not to win her over. Sure, you put your best foot forward, but if you have to pretend that you are someone that you are not, you might as well stop the effort right then. You cannot keep up a charade for the rest of your life. I think young men who date primarily for sex do often put up a false front to win her over. It may work for a month or two, but she will eventually find out that your Corvette is actually borrowed from your uncle, that you really aren't into ballet and long walks on the beach, and that it really hurts your wallet to take her out to eat.
Unlike dating for sex, when you are a man dating to find a relationship, you are the one with the power. Men want sex, women want to be taken care of. They want a relationship with a man of status, or at least a man who has direction in life, showing real capabilities to support a household. Always remember this, and don't let the modern women who sleep around convince you that they are anything better than a woman of the right age, with the wrong morals, who allows herself to be used and are destined to be worn out bar hags within a decade.
Date #1
The first date should not really be considered much of a date. Spend only $10 - $20 and do some activity that is public, innocent, and enjoyable. Involve friends or go for a walk. Go visit a low cost museum, get an ice cream together, go mini-golfing, have a picnic in the park, go for a drive and look at the Christmas lights, see if there are any events going on. There are many different things you can do. Look online for ideas if you are struggling. If you are dating right, you will have a first date lined up at least every other weekend, often with women that you barely know. This is why you need to keep them low cost.
In the sexual marketplace, women are interested in the men who have experience in the bedroom. They want a guy that is high status enough to pull in other women. If you are dating well, there should be little difference, except the sex. As a man, you need experience in dating. Take girls out, have a small rotation, and do not commit yourself to anyone prematurely.
Once you asked her out like in last article, confirm a couple hours before the date. If you are doing something outside, let her know so she can bring a jacket or whatever. Drive to her house, or wherever you are meeting, and arrive at the very minute you arranged. If you are early, she may think you are desperate. If you are late, it may tick her off. Look good, but don't go all out with your best suit. Going overboard may come across as thirsty.
Keep your activity reasonably short, no more than two hours. You want her to keep wanting more. If you tire her out with a long day, she may become disinterested in the course of the evening. Tell her you have lots to do tomorrow and cut it off on a high note. Drive her home and offer to walk her to her door. Go a little above in your chivalry to indicate that it is actually a date and not "hanging out".
There is varying advice on what you should do for the goodbye kiss, or if you should do anything at all. Use your intuition and read the girl. I have had some that practically stuck their tongues down my throat to say good night, others have turned a cheek as if to say, "sorry, not interested". My wife was interested, but it ended with only a hug. She was scared to kiss, and we didn't kiss for another couple years (both of us served missions in the meantime). After we returned from our missions and started dating exclusively, we kissed. It turned out that that was the first romantic kiss of her life.
After you say goodbye, go home and come up with another plan. Call her up in a day or two and get a read on how she liked the date and if she would like to do it again. IMO, text is good for transferring necessary information, but it is terrible at communicating emotion and the human side of life. A good way to do it is send a text, "Can I call you?" and you will probably get a phone call from her once she has the time. Or, if she isn't interested, she will reply, "no", and you are done. Of if you two are texting back and forth in real time, stop what you are doing and call her up. Meeting in person right after a date is typically too stalky.
Avoid oneintus
Do not get hung up on a particular girl at this stage. So you had a good date and she is interested in seeing you again. Call up other girls and keep going on other dates. You are not dating exclusively at this point. Make sure she understands that you have options at this point and she isn't the only fish in your bowl. Keep asking other women out and keep a few on rotation. If the dates are open, safe, and inexpensive, you are demonstrating that you are not putting in any commitment at this point. This is another major reason that you keep the first dates inexpensive. It shows that you are at the point where you are not investing in her yet and she will need to put in some investment of her own to get your commitment. Good women will understand this.
However, if you are dating a modern woman who has been giving sex out like candy, she will expect costlier dates as they are used to men investing more so they can get sex. If they don't like being there on a frugal date, they are not into you and you know you can cut it off.
The Purpose For the First Few Dates
At this point, you are not really pursuing her for marriage or really scrutinizing her. This is the time to build a warm, friendly relationship. You are seeing if you two are compatible, what their basic background is, and if she is friendly enough. It is not a time to bring her to your parents or be jealous if she has other plans. If you are overly territorial or quick to commit, you will come across as needy, possessive, and maybe weak. Have fun at the school dance and express appreciation for her. It is not a time to try to get sex either. Doing so will almost guarantee that she will never marry you, or at least it will indicate that you wouldn't want to marry her.
Just go and have fun. If you date a lot as a man, you will hopefully gain a good reputation within your social circle as someone who is safe, fun and attractive. This will help you as more women take interest in you. There can be a snowball effect if you do it right. However, that will not happen if you cast too wide of a net and date only strangers.
For the Women
60 years of sexual liberation in our society has created an atmosphere where a just few guys get nearly all the sex and attention from women, leaving most guys inexperienced and lonely. While this is not your fault as an individual, it has nearly destroyed a regular man's incentive to date. If a typical modern woman expects to be wined and dined just to show up for a date and eat the food, most guys will not want to make that sort of contribution unless there is a good chance for sexual gratification at the end. The funny part is that when women get to the age that they do want to get married, the typical modern woman is not attractive to the successful men, nor have they developed any social skills outside of the bedroom.
I converted to the LDS church when I was 23. Prior do that I was secular. On the transition, I was amazed at the difference between the women inside and outside of the church. Once I was integrated into church culture, dates were SO much easier to get. They were less expensive, and the women were more pleasant to be around. As it turns out, the women who do not have sex before marriage have to work much harder to get dates. The players are never chasing after them. Here is the thing though, when it comes time to get married, they have all the advantage. They are cleaner, they actively learn how to attract a man in ways outside of the bedroom. Hence, they are more appreciative of a man's time and money as they know he is genuine in his pursuit of her and not just looking for a ride in the bedroom. My wife, who is fairly attractive, has told me numerous times that she thought she was ugly or there was something wrong with her back in high school and early college. The reason is, the players don't go after the women who maintain their chastity. When the time comes for the women to get married off, the trend flips.
Point is, sex is like a dating crutch for women. Refraining from sex makes dating more difficult on the short term, but the tougher exercise makes finding a good husband much easier in the long run. That peach between your legs is very enticing to men to get fancy dinner dates, but it isn't enough to get a long term commitment or marriage. You have to be better than a play thing to convince a man to marry you. Along that is a good demonstrations of the attributes that we all look for in a partner. (Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, etc.)
When a guy asks you on a first date, It would be helpful for you to go as long as you are not in a committed relationship and the guy is asking you to a safe environment. No, you are not obligated to go with guys that you are not attracted to, but you are networking socially and learning how to be less awkward when the Christian Chad does finally ask you out.. If you aren't attracted, no more than one or two dates, you don't want to give the wrong impression or waste his time and money.
Be frugal on your dates. A man will take notice on how much money you spend. If you are at a restaurant, don't order the expensive meals and fancy drinks unless he insists. If you come across as a user, other guys may get an impression if they talk. A society of women who has been wasting money on dates has made dating much less common as it has gotten more expensive for the guy. Don't be part of the problem.
Be courteous and appreciative when a guy asks you out. If you have to tell a guy "no", be polite, but don't let him think that there is a chance for a relationship in the future. A "Sorry, but I don't think this can work between us" typically is sufficient. If he grovels or persists, be more direct, and don't let him pressure you into anything else. End things right there. If you friend-zone him, it may seem like the kind thing for him at the moment, but you end up wasting his time and energy that he could have spent pursuing other women. You hurt a guy far more by friend-zoning them than by tearing out his heart and stomping on it.
Short Story
I went on a date with this woman who asked me to a Sadie Hawkins dance. She was overweight and had some mild mental issues. At this time, my wife and I were informally dating. I would ask her (my wife) out on occasion and she knew I was attracted to her. I was still asking other girls out at the time also. My wife never got the courage to ask me to this particular dance. In the end, I took this girl and we went as a date. My wife walked to the dance alone. When the dance ended, I offered to take her home also. We all pile in my pickup, with my date sitting in the middle and my wife on the far side. I drop her off and then take my date home to her parents' house. I was friendly the whole time, but gave her the hint that I didn't want anything further.
2-1/2 years later, after I return from my mission and I started dating my wife exclusively, I go to her parents' home for an unrelated reason. I look on the wall and see a wedding photo of my old date and some guy that looked more compatible to her. I ask her mom about that, and she tells me the story. After that, she thanks me for going with her on that date. She says that her daughter was depressed and gaining weight when we went out. She said that going out with her helped pull her out of the funk she was in. In time, she lost some weight, and a guy asked her out and they eventually got married.
My wife also told me that she remembers that night, and she was impressed with how I treat people with kindness. She knew I was just doing it as a favor, and she appreciated it.
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