Engagement

 

ENGAGEMENT

 

Putting together the wedding invitation photo is part of the engagement.

So, you proposed to her. You are now committing your life to her. You announced to your friends and family. You two spend additional time getting to know each other's family and each other. Dates are less formal and more just hanging out now. If you are waiting for marriage for sex, it is getting tougher to keep your hands off of each other. Good times.

The Purpose of Engagement

If you dated right and made sure you trust this woman with your life (you are actually doing that), the engagement really doesn’t  need to take all that long. You properly vetted her and decided that she will be a net asset to your life, above the costs associated with supporting her, including the risks of divorce and all the other costs of marriage. 

Once you proposed to her, the testing phase of your relationship is now over. You have now accepted what you got. Now is the time to work with each other to build a strong, trusting relationship and to help one another improve. 

My wife and I were engaged for about 10 months, but 3 months should suffice. She didn't want to have a baby before she graduated college, so she put off our wedding date. I wanted to get married 4 months earlier during the summer and use birth control but we went with her plan. Some get married within the week of getting engaged. 

Logistics is the main concern at this time. The wedding is a big part of it, but there are also issues with where you two are going to live, furniture, banking, utilities, jobs and whatever else. At this time, it would be good to decide together on some things like pets, allowable media in the house, and future plans.

Read Together 

Along with logistics is marriage education. When we were engaged, my wife and I spent lots of time reading material that we thought would be helpful in making the transition towards marriage. It is a good time to discuss matters on a deeper level and increase the emotional connection. There are lots of books and opinions. Spend time reading out loud together. Snuggle together on a couch and read a page or two of inspirational literature out loud daily. It provides a very good opportunity to discuss matters as they arise when you read. Reading together is a habit that my wife and I continue to this day, nearly 20 years later.

Worship Together

One of the bigger strains in marriage can be having different religions or vastly different levels of dedication. If one or both of you regularly attend church, make certain that both of you are on the same page, preferably where the more devout of the two of you are. Become immersed and dedicated to God. Read the scriptures together, pray together, go to church together and see to it that both of you are building your future marriage on a foundation of faith.

Play Together

As you spend time together, see to it that you two are having fun regularly. You two need to put the right foot forward and see to it that you enjoy each other's time outside the bedroom. Cook together, play basketball, go to the gym, or whatever. My wife and I took a country swing class in college at this time, we will still go out dancing on occasion. 

Plan the Wedding Together

The wedding is a big day for both of you. Don't start your marriage with a "Whatever you want, Dear" attitude. You can have a big party, but don't go into debt for it. We had a roast beef and potato dinner, held at the church. My wife's mom made a simple dress for her and we drove to Death Valley to camp for our honeymoon (it was December). We were broke college students when we married, so we spent a total of $2000 or so for everything including parties, rings, ceremony, honeymoon, dress and suit (which I wore to church for several years), etc. Going into debt for the frivolous things isn't wise.

Finding addresses for wedding announcements takes more time than you would think. It took us a good month to dig up all these old fossils and send them out invitations. For the invitations, we went with my mom to a mountain lake and she took dozens of photos of us. We picked out the best and printed out cards at Kinkos. We still have one hanging up in our living room. Also, I wrote out a two page romantic love letter for her and stuffed it in that frame with the invitation. Every now and then she will take it out and look at it. It is a nice gesture.

Bank Together

One of the last steps was about a month before we married and my wife emptied her bank account and deposited all of it into mine, which we created a joint checking account with both of our names on the checks. I already knew she was frugal with money and I am too, so it has worked out well. If one or both of you has spending issues, you may need to create separate accounts for bills and for her/your play money. Also, you will need to get her name changed, consolidate insurance, and a few more similar business things. 

Get an apartment together

Just before you tie the knot, you will need to get a separate home, away from any parents, and preferably new to both of you. We started to rent an studio apartment together a few days before we got married. That gave us enough time to find a card table and two folding chairs at Walmart and a few other furnishings. My parents gave us a couch and her family gave us a queen sized bed. We also needed to switch utilities. 

We dumped off all the stuff and moved in our belongings, all except a couple travel bags. Once we finished moving, we immediately drove down to her parents' house to prepare for the wedding and honeymoon.

The Parties

I don't think it is wise to hire strippers or go out on the town for crazy bachelor/bachelorette parties. It is an easy way to create drama, or even get weddings called off. A not-so-good friend of mine hired a couple strippers and messed around a little more than he should have and his fiancé delayed the wedding, nearly called it off. They are divorced now. 

I didn't really have a bachelor party myself. I was in my Junior year in Engineering School and dealing with finals. I just didn't have the time. My wife had a simple shower that her sister-in-law threw, had her mom there and it was very tame. 

One of the best bachelor parties I been to was one that a good friend asked me to throw for him before I was in the church. No women at all were invited, but we did burn up about a cord of wood, had steaks and hamburgers, had a lot of beer and whiskey, and lots of fireworks. Spent about $500 total that we pooled together from 10-15 friends. 

After we got married in a LDS Temple, (very small religious ceremony only) we spent our first night as a couple in an apartment that my aunt let us borrow. The following day was the reception at a local chapel with the cake, the bouquet and all that stuff. After we cleaned up the reception, her immediate family invited my immediate family over for burgers at their house so they would get a chance to know each other better. From there, we drove to Death Valley on our honeymoon as husband and wife. It's a good area for camping in the middle of winter.