This story really isn't that exciting, it is just about my struggles and accomplishments with raising my son.
My wife and I married during Christmas break when I was in my Junior year in college, just over 20 years ago. Nine months and a week later, our oldest son was born. During my Senior year, we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment. I would go to class for Civil Engineering while my wife stayed home and babysat for a couple women who were in college too. The first months can be rather challenging. I needed the rest for school, so my wife would get up in all hours of the night during the school week, and either nurse, change, or prepare a bottle for the kid. I would feed or change the baby when I could, but school had to take priority.
After graduation, we moved for work. As a 1 year old, Henry was pretty adventurous. As soon as he figured out how to walk, he would take off running until he collided with something. He would crawl into the kitchen and pull everything out of the cupboards that he could reach. It was not uncommon to see all the pots and pans on the floor and Henry just grinning like he accomplished something.
One day, we just put him down for a nap. My wife and I are playing games on the computer and we hear this THUD. Sure enough, he just figured out how to get out of the crib on his own. A few seconds later, he comes out with this big ol' grin on his face. For the first time, I pick him up and give a light swat on his butt and put him back for a nap. I remember the shock and rejected face that little 18 month old gave me when I scolded him.
Fast forward about a decade and 4 more siblings. Henry is now in Cub Scouts and doing well. My wife is still a stay-at-home-mom, and I am working my butt off, trying to keep a roof over our heads. My wife and I are doing our best to instill good character into our now 5 kids (#6 comes about 4 years later). We attend church weekly, we still don't have TV in the home, do morning scripture study before I leave for work. I spend as much time available as is reasonable with my wife and family. Life seems to be good, but with my job, I am working 60+ hours. It is very taxing on me and I am tired when I get home. When there is discipline issues, I am probably harsher than I should be.
It was about this time that my son and I start being a little adversarial towards each other. He is about 12 and starts back talking me, or he will talk bad about me to his younger siblings. All of this feeds into a terrible loop of anger, resentment, harsh punishments, and attitude. I eventually get a better job with better hours, but still our relationship is strained.
By the time Henry is 15, our conflict has reached his peak. He is a smart kid, but was an arrogant know-it-all. By this time, we have had a few direct conflicts with each other. Not coming to blows, but anything short of it. Henry would love to antagonize me to get my temper going and I would fall for it. My wife sometimes put herself in between us to play referee.
About this time, I was about ready to throw the kid out (to where, I don't know). After several discussions with my wife about the situation, we decided that we needed to change the situation. I stopped forcing him up for scripture study, my wife and I decided to try not using any form of corporal punishment whatsoever. I get a newer car and offer him my old car on the condition that he helps me rebuild the engine.
Although getting him to help me with the engine was like pulling teeth, he did help me some. It was therapeutic to be able to work with him on a project, rather than argue with him about stuff I don't even care about. Unfortunately, we never got that car going. I broke off a seized water pump bolt and my heart wasn't into repairing it when he didn't really want to be out there. I just towed it to the wrecking yard.
Henry started working the summer he was 16. I told him that I will buy a pickup for him and he can take it when he leaves if he pays me back half of what I paid. We wrote up a simple contract between us. As I started to treat him as an adult, our relationship greatly improved.
Henry is the type that loves to excel and earn the praise of others. He didn't get straight A's, but he got 4 AP classes, was in the debate team, did well in running cross country, all the while working at least 20 hours for his last 2 years of high school. Now, he is in the Navy, learning to be a Nuclear Technician to maintain one of the reactors on an aircraft carrier. Although we didn't always get along, I am very proud of him as a father and glad my wife and I decided to have him those many years ago.
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