Strengthening the Family Part 26 - Woman’s Role as Mother

"I'm from the Government and I'm here to help"

The woman in a marriage has the roles of wife, mother and housekeeper. Today, I want to go over the role of mother. 

Obviously, a woman becomes a mother by having children. My wife went through the pains of carrying and childbirth 6 times. With that comes countless hours of diapers, nursing, cleaning, and loving our children with the help of your husband. For the work she has put in when they were babies, I have much respect and admiration for her. 

There may be circumstances where having children of her own is not feasible. I have an aunt who was unable to have kids because of health issues. Instead, they adopted three children. While not ideal, adoption is a good substitute. 

Not long after the baby is born comes the task of teaching the child. My wife will take the baby and teach it how to nurse. As they struggle with this basic function, they come to trust and understand one another. 

Within a few years, the teaching of how to nurse becomes teaching ethics of how to work, the difference between right and wrong, among many things. That old adage “the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world” rings true. Those who raise the child have the ability to greatly shape how that child will be in the next generation. It is no wonder that government emphasizes public education so strongly. Today, the government is doubling down on this theme by encouraging day care, kindergarten, grammar school, sports, college, media, etc. 

"It takes a village to raise a child" - Hillary Clinton

As a married woman, you need to make your husband and children your priority. No job, no state ran program, no other responsibility will compensate for failure in the home. The very survival of our society depends on the moral integrity of the next generation and teaching that cannot be effectively delegated to anyone else. Morals are learned at a very young age. From the first days, a baby is learning to trust and what family is. As time goes on, this knowledge is expanded to honesty, integrity, compassion, love, and a host of other virtues which cannot be effectively taught in a school seminar. 

Teach Your Children the ABC's

As a mother, take the time to teach your children the basics. Babies love being read to, children love it. When they get to be 3 or 4, start them reading and basic math. There are a number of workbooks you can go through with your children. They enjoy the one-on-one attention and will gain a new appreciation to a new world around them as you work with them. 

As time goes on, and they get to be of school age, educate yourself on homeschooling methods and materials that best suit you. Currently, my wife is working with this goodandbeautiful.com  program, but there are many others. A duckduckgo search will lead to a plethora of homeschooling programs out there. Many programs are subsidized by the state, but with those subsidies come strings attached. We have tried using websites, but it seems like physical books and paper are much better to work with. Typically, she will spend 4-5 hours in the morning working with the kids. Because the curriculum can be tailored to a child's needs and they can have the one-on-one attention, a homeschooled child will typically do better academically than a publicly schooled child. We have decided to put the older kids into high school when they reach that age so they can be incorporated into society while still under our care, rather than just kicking them out to college life which would be a shock to their system.

Teach them Morals

In today's world, you need to actively teach your children to have a moral code. Take them to church, go to church yourself. Have regular lessons in your home about virtues. Our church has a gospel library which contains videos, talks, lessons music and many other media for our family to go through. My wife will typically listen to church talks while working in the kitchen. Perhaps your church has something similar. Read the Bible with them regularly.

 When you sit down to eat as a family regularly, make sure all other distractions are cut off. A kid wearing headphones will not be able to connect with their parents. While you should not try to force certain conversations, try to create an atmosphere where these conversations can take place.

Hold regular family activities together. Take them swimming, hiking, shooting, exploring, or whatever. The activities do not need to be extravagent, but they do need to be held often. We make a point to do something fun as a family at least weekly. We will also hold a family home evening, where we all rotate different responsibilities, (song, prayer, lesson, activity, treat, etc.) Last night, my son taught a lesson about modesty, my daughter decided we will play a board game, and my other son made brownies. 

Teach Responsibility

Teaching kids to work and to take responsibility is probably one of the hardest tasks we have as parents. It is something they need to learn by the time they leave the nest. When I was a kid on a dairy farm, there were plenty of chores to go around. Now that I work in an office, not so much. Of course, there are occasional repair jobs around the house, but also teach them the household chores. We give our kids a weekly allowance contingent on whether they do their weekly household chores. For a little kid, those chores may be as simple as helping to dry and put away dishes, for the older kids, it may be cleaning up the front room. Whatever you do, see that there is a responsibility attached to rewards for them.    

Teach By Example

The best way to teach virtue is by example. Live a good life and do your best to be that role model for your children. Be honest with your children. They can detect hypocrisy easily. Work hard to uphold the principles you teach. Avoid telling your kids "I can do this because I'm a grown up". If watching a certain show is not good for your kids, it probably isn't good for you either. As you do your best to live a clean life, hopefully your children will too. Of course, there will always be the rebels who get into drugs or whatever, but as you do your best to live that example, the probability of that happening will decrease. 

For you young women who are single, this goes for you too. If you have children out of wedlock, have numerous sexual encounters, have a plethora of tattoos, alcohol problems, etc. Don't be surprised if your children follow in your footsteps. There are a number of things we can do in our young and crazy years that we cannot take back, even before we have children. Always strive to be that better individual.

The Mother Can Be Her Best Only With An Involved Husband

It is a pity that this even has to be said, but nobody can do it all. To be an effective mother, she needs the love, financial support, and emotional support of a man in the home. This does not just mean having a warm body there, see to it that you two love and support each other. Although it may seem neglectful to pawn the kids off to the babysitter and going out with your man often, it is in fact supporting your kids by working on a strong marriage. Like they say in the airplane crash speeches, put on your oxygen mask first. 

See to it that you two are getting along well, arguing is unnecessary. Work to resolve conflict  in a civilized manner. While divorce may be a necessary step in cases of Addiction, Abuse, or Adultery, do not take this step for frivolous reasons, or even good reasons. Divorce is effectively using a nuke to get rid of a roach problem in your apartment. By divorcing with children involved, you will be tearing apart a family and creating social problems for generations to come. 

However, if you have a strong marriage with a husband who enjoys coming home and pestering you and playing with his and your kids, you will have that strong support you need, and you will be a strong support for him and your children. 

Be that support for your Husband and Children